"If you had the choice to find out if something bad was going to happen to you, would you want to know?" It's an age old question, and a simple enough one at that, but the answer, whichever you choose, is anything but simple. There are consequences, feelings and emotions that accompany the responsibility of knowing about things before they happen.
On Monday of this week I was laid off. Simply put, my position was eliminated. It was a situation I saw coming a mile away, the details of which I won't be discussing publicly simply because that's tacky, but I'll just say that it was business, not personal, and leave it at that.
I struggled with knowing that this change was coming, but ultimately I'm glad I knew. It oftentimes made it difficult to concentrate at work, but like anything in life you move forward, work hard, and try not to let the bad things consume you. And truthfully, when the day came I was happy to have the band-aid ripped off and know my fate.
Don't get me wrong, though I knew that lay offs were coming and that I was on the chopping block, it was still overwhelming; I've had a job since I was 14 years old. 21 years of being employed, and suddenly - nothing. Oddly, there's a strange peace in knowing that you're not the only one, that you didn't do anything wrong. I suppose I could be upset and feel wronged, but really, where does that thinking take a person. It's a headspace I simply refuse to be in.
Instead, I'm choosing to be positive. Perhaps because I had the knowledge that this was coming I was able to process it and start to make peace. I'm incredibly fortunate to have the most supportive fiancé, parents, and friends who love, care about and believe in me, but how I feel about myself and knowing my worth is really what has pushed me to this positive place.
So what does life being laid off look like? I'm not an expert on this and everyone processes and deals differently, but here's what I know:
- Ultimately, I can't work on this blog full-time. As much as it pains me because it's my love and passion, it just doesn't make me the money I need to pay the bills.
- But while I am job searching I'm going to treat this blog like it's my full-time job. I LOVE this space, I love my readers, and I love what I'm creating. I'm not going anywhere.
- I'm going to keep a routine. Hell, I don't think I could sleep till 10am no matter how hard I tried, but I'm going to get up every day and get ready. Sure, my pants will probably be a bit more comfortable, my office way more stylish, and there's a good chance I won't wear any makeup, but I won't let myself get lazy.
- I'm going to eat breakfast. Probably something I should have been doing all along, but let's be honest - when you're at home you simply have the time to throw together a nutritious and healthy breakfast easier than when you're running to get out the door.
- I'll be reintroducing myself to the gym. No excuses on this front, I just need to get back in there and the only thing that will change is that I don't have to go at 5am.
- I can finally tackle those house projects. Beginning with repainting and designing my new home office, I'm going to take advantage of the extra hours while I have them.
Where I go from here I'm not sure, but I know that I'm incredibly excited to implement some exciting new things I've been wanting to do on the blog, and embrace whatever the future holds!